Blog Post 1: Errors from The Fayette Citizen

During the summer between my junior and senior years in high school, I interned at The Fayette Citizen, the best local newspaper in my hometown. So I figured that for a blog post on editing, I'd go with my alma mater. I looked at two stories. One, "Coweta says 'no' to Starship," I decided to edit for this post. The other, "No arrests yet in PTC condo shooting," I thought you could look at and comment about.

"Coweta says 'no' to Starship"

The lede is too long; it runs on, which hurts clarity. I would end the sentence at "Gifts" and add the information about the store's location to the next sentence.

The first paragraph is too long and contains too much information. A lot of that could be moved to later grafs to help with clarity and readability.

In the second graf, if the quotation is transposed from a speech, there should not be a comma between "have seen" and "and what they have been told."

Still the second graf: The information that Rodney Brooks is the District 4 Commissioner was already in the first graf. No need to repeat it - or Brooks's first name - here.

A nit-picky quibble with the third graf: The end of the sentence is structured as a series, but it isn't, really, because the items in the series do not share the same constructions. It should read something like "...packed the commission and the foyer outside and spilled down the stairway into the first floor lobby."

The "it" in the fourth graf has an ambiguous referent. It is unclear whether "it" refers to the zoning district or to the business, which makes what the sentence is actually saying incredibly unclear.

Sixth graf: Like in the third, the first sentence is structured like a series when it really shouldn't be. It should read "...(county staff) investigated and spoke with the owners, and they believe that what they’ve been told and what they’ve seen..."

Comma errors in graf seven: Comma after "residents" and "Latham" in the first sentence, and no comma after "follow" in the last sentence.

Graf nine: "law suit" should be one word.

Blog 1: The White House Record Collection

This month, Rolling Stone had an interesting article on the White House’s record collection. The headline in the link to the story was “Obama’s Secret Record Collection” and featured a picture of President Barack Obama. As I read the article, I realized this was misleading. Just reading the title, I expected a story about old records Obama has collected over the years. In actuality, it is about the record collection that has been in the White House more than twenty years. The story is directly linked with an older piece about what music is on his iPod because this particular article mentions so little about his taste in music.

As for style, the story was somewhat cluttered. For example, the structure of this sentence was unorganized: "They felt they needed to redress some of the oversights that might have taken place the first time around," says Boston music critic and author Bob Blumenthal, who was put in charge of adding 200 rock records to the library. I think it would have been more effective if he introduced Blumenthal with the clause describing his significance to the story and then added the quote in a new sentence.

A grammatical error was in the sentence: “Depending on the source, the reason was Nancy Reagan's distaste for shelves of vinyl, or the edgy choices themselves.” I do not think he needed the comma after vinyl because there is only one subject. The AP Stylebook supports the omission of the comma because the two clauses could not stand alone as individual sentences.

My only suggestion concerning the article's content would be that he gave the article a little more character. He focuses more on how the collection was put together, but it would have been interesting if he had also included an anecdote about a president actually using the LPs. He also leaves out a description of the sound system. I would have appreciated a description of what the system was like more than where it used to be located.

Overall, the article was interesting and provided a good break from the countless, alarming articles about the economy.

Rolling Stone's exclusive Bush farewell "interview"

Unless you've been living under a rock or in self-imposed isolation for the past eight years, it shouldn't come as much of a newsflash that music magazine titan Rolling Stone has a strong liberal bias. More specifically, the publication makes it known that it hates former President George W. Bush and his administration.  Not that I feel any differently; how could I be in favor of an administration that not only breached the Constitution on countless different grounds, but manipulated and withheld enough information from the American public to keep its twisted facade going for two full terms?

All the same, I can't help but feel mildly turned off by Rolling Stone's feature article from their January 22, 2009 issue, which details a mock farewell interview with George W. Bush.  I'm in favor of injecting a little humor into the journalistic world, but it has to be incorporated with tact.  In this article, writer Matt Taibbi displays writing tactics that feel deceptive, sensationalistic and -- you guessed it -- tasteless.

Nowhere in the article's foreword does Rolling Stone make it clear that the interview is false.  Although, to the publication's credit, they do label it the "farewell interview we wish he'd give" on the cover, the feature itself includes no such evidence of its fictional nature: The piece's construction is identical to the other legitimate news pieces in the issue, and if a reader happened not to read the cover carefully -- or, even more likely, if the reader only accessed the online version -- there's a distinct possibility that he or she could assimilate the article as factual truth.  It's almost as if Rolling Stone is saying, "This is a fabricated conversation... but if you happen to believe it actually took place, that's just fine by us."

Obviously, Rolling Stone's readership demographic is predominantly liberal, so it assumes its perceived audience will find the article hilarious.  But this means, of course, that it consequently places too much faith in the audience's ability to take a joke.  I mean no offense to Rolling Stone's readership -- in fact, I'm very much a part of it -- but the fact of the matter is that some people are completely blind in their devotion to Obama and hatred for Bush.  Coupled with the lack of clarity regarding the piece's validity -- not to mention readers' presuppositions to typically encountering factual articles in the magazine -- this mindset becomes problematic and could lead one to truly believe that what they are reading.

The article presents another more clearly visible and less analytical problem to the reader: What is the point?  Okay, we all know the gist of what's been happening in the American political landscape -- Bush screwed up extensively as President, the public became aware of this, lost its confidence in the GOP and the conventional "white ruler" image, and opted for change, which has manifested itself in our first black president, Barack Obama.  Obama won, and Bush is finally out of the picture. So what more could Rolling Stone OR its readership possibly ask for if everything worked out to its favor?  That's why I had to ask myself what the point of a mock interview with Bush is -- if there is even a point at all.

The facetious nature of the article did supply a handful of laughs and, in select places, provided some sharp wit and satire.  But for the most part it reads like a smug reminder of Bush's failure, serving little purpose except to rub it in Bush's and his supporters' faces one more time.  In my opinion, the article uses sensational journalistic tactics to beat a dead horse and offers hardly anything of substance, leaving little more than a foul taste in the reader's mouth.  Or at least mine.  Sure, Bush is an idiot, but we've all known that for years now -- just let the man be.  There are much bigger fish for journalists to fry in the current state of affairs.

Anti-Love Drug article in the New York Times

In the article "Anti-Love Drug May Be Ticket to Bliss," John Tierney provides a provocative alternative to the emotion of love - medicine. Recent discoveries in the fields of genetics and neuroscience support that monogamy and "love" are linked to chemical hormones in the brain. While studying autism and schizophrenia, researchers discovered that the presence or absence of certain hormones either enabled or hindered love. With this understanding, scientists can create pills to induce or even allay the emotions tied to love, Tierney said.

Although the article is well written, a portion of Tierney's writing is haphazard and somewhat inappropriate for the "Science Times," regardless of the article's column-like status. The lede catches the reader's attention, but I was unsure of whether he was talking about hormones that induce or repel love; it turns out that he lists evidence for both, but much of his support is reserved later in the article.

It's difficult to say whether the majority of readers are patient enough to read the technicalities of a discovery after the "big picture" is explained in previous paragraphs. As a solution, Tierney could have included more research methods higher in the article. After all, the piece was featured in a national paper's science section under "Findings," which sounds like a news (not opinions) section. This was also the first article the New York Times published on the topic, which, in my opinion, confused readers because it looked like a news story and wasn't accompanied by an unbiased version of the research.

Stylistically, the mentioning of Odysseus, Britney Spears and Larry King as individuals who have "love" troubles should be moved to later in the article or not featured at all. I understand why Tierney lists these celebrities, but I think the witty sayings in the first and second paragraphs accommodate most audiences. When I realized Tierney was a columnist, it slightly reduced my concerns with his usage of "infatuated ass."

On the other hand, I understand why the author used the analogy of Odysseus being "tied to the mast of a ship" because it reflects his personal opinion of love. This is also obvious in the final paragraph and the headline itself where readers are misled into thinking that scientists are busily working on an "anti-love potion." I enjoyed the article and the topic at hand, but much of the commentary skewed the motivations behind the research. Here's the take-home message: the New York Times needs to clearly define its news and opinion sections so readers do not mistake similar articles as hard news.

This is the interpretation I initially expected from the "Science Times." It would have coupled nicely with Tierney's piece.

Not Making a B.I.G. Enough Deal

I remember Tupac and "Biggie" like most of my peers remember the New Kids on the Block--with nostalgia that overpowers the embarrassment of having a childhood in the '90s. That is what made me so excited to hear that some of the Athens theaters would be playing "Notorious," the highly anticipated biopic of rap mogul Christopher Wallace.

Like most college movie-goers, I knew that Thursday's "Out & About" section in The Red &Black would probably have a movie review of "Notorious," but little did I know how confused it would leave me.

Though there were no clear grammatical errors within the article,the author doesn't seem to focus in on what should be the main object of her movie critique--the performance of the main actor. Especially with biopics, if the lead actor or actress fails to deliver a convincing performance, the movie is almost always guaranteed to bust.

Secondly, editors, as Professor Parks stated in class, should never assume their reader knows as much about the topics as their writers do. The reviewer assumes that the reader is a Biggie expert by mentioning events and controversies without further explanations. For example, she states "As for the controversy surrounding Biggie and Shakur's murders, the film takes a decidedly hands-off approach..." We may all know who Tupac and Biggie were, but many of us unfamiliar with the East/West rap rivalry circa '90s have no idea about what sort of "controversy" the author is talking about.

In a much more successful attempt, Flagpole Magazine also reviews "Notorious" but does it with clarity and explanations. The article contains the perfect amount of plot summary without being overbearing or spoiling the movie. The first graph briefly outlines the importance of each character and then eases into criticism and praise for filming style and, of course, acting. Unlike The Red and Black's review, the author of Flagpole's review doesn't assume the reader knows anything at all about the life of Christopher Wallace, but the author also makes the article relevant to us by making it important to us.

Lastly, the conclusions to both articles were trying to allude to the overall point of the movie, but since The Red and Black fails to simply state the reason the readers should care, the purpose of the entire review is lost. The Red and Black's review states that "'Notorious' concludes with a real-life montage of funeral onlookers dancing to Biggie's music, proving that in spite of the uneven execution of the film, there exists a valid point in making it," but simply leaves the readers wondering what exactly that point was and maybe we had missed it earlier on in the article.

Flagpole's conclusion aims to be clear and concise by stating "any 20-to-30-something who lived through the East Coast/ West Coast rap wars... will find Notorious an engrossing recount of recent pop history. "Or in other words, we watch movies about the "good ol' days" so that we can remember the "good ol' days." Duh.

Spring Semester Fee - According to the Technique

Last weekend, I had the pleasure of visiting my brother at Georgia Tech for his birthday. Saturday night I had my first encounter with Tech’s school newspaper, the Technique.

The Technique is printed weekly and calls itself “the South’s Liveliest College Newspaper.” As an editor and in my efforts to “improve everything” around me, I couldn’t help but examine in depth this strange publication. Recognizing that I already had an opinion of this publication (see: To Hell With Georgia), I shall refrain from making comments on things like the provocative Sliver Box and the full-page review of Britney Spear’s new album.

Instead, it is only fair that I compare something that the Jackets and Bulldogs have in common. Most recently that happens to be the $100 fee that has been placed on all research universities across the state of Georgia.

Technique’s article, “New student fee to cover budget shortfall” is overwhelming. To start, the first few graphs suffer from statistical overload. The article is weighed down with numbers and long quotes. Published on Jan. 16, the writer was given more than enough time to gather different angles and/or student opinions. This story was lacking and made me feel like I was rereading the same information. Also, the organization of the story completely dismantled any hierarchy of information in the story.


The Red and Black’s article, “Budget cuts require added fee for spring” relays the story in a more logical manner. It was published the morning following the decision and supplied enough information for students at the time. Of course, the Red and Black published many follow-ups in the following weeks from different angles, explaining the fee and its usage. However, in this article, everything I needed to know was presented and the main points were clear. I felt like I was guided through the story.

To improve the story in the Technique, I would try to organize and simplify the information in a way that made sense. The Technique article is a little over twice the size of the Red and Black article. However, both provide the same information.

I understand that there are some differences between The Technique and The Red and Black. Publishing something weekly versus daily calls for a different type of reporting and writing style. However, I felt lost in the article published in the Technique. As a student newspaper, it appeared detached from a student perspective.

Improvments to local news articles

I have been looking through newspapers recently in search of editing errors. I did not have to look farther than Athens' local papers. For the sake of relevance, I will discuss the most recent flaws that I've discovered. Today's issue of the Red and Black contained the article "Greek seminar tackles hazing." While I found no real grammatical or style errors in the article, there were number of issues regarding content and organization I would like to address. The lead does a decent job of summarizing the subject of the article. But the attribution, "...panel members discussed in a presentation," is vague. Was the presentation only on hazing? Members of what panel? Where was the presentation? The next graph contains a quote by the advisor to the National Pan-Hellenic Council and gives the name of the presentation, "I Stand Accused," but the members of the panel remain unclear. I am left to assume that the three people quoted were the only members of the panel. The other imperfect article I found was less confusing.
The article “Alert neighbor spies suspicious stranger” from the today’s Athens-Banner Herald contained a style error when it used to abbreviation GPS on first reference. According to the AP Stylebook, Global Positioning System should be used on first reference, and the abbreviation GPS on second reference. Also, the phrase, “thin gloves that thieves often use to avoid leaving fingerprints,” implies that the suspect is a guilty and does not accurately describe the gloves. Perhaps naming the material of the gloves would have provided a more in-depth description. In addition, the article states that the robbery suspect, Anthony Ellison, was charged with possession of tools for a crime, but there was no mention of those tools earlier in the article.

Water-Recycling Solution in Georgia

“Water Solutions” from the Georgia Trend magazine makes some interesting points, and highlights a water-recycling plan in Georgia that is setting an example internationally, but unfortunately, the article is so unorganized that I feel like its main point is lost in the jumble of ideas and clichéd phrases. (To view the article, follow the link, click on the 'Environment' tab on the left. "Water Solutions" is the second article.)

The graph starts with a dramatic tone, and I personally rolled my eyes at it. Had I not been interested in the topic, I might have not read the rest of the article based on the over-done tone of the very first sentence. It made the water problem in Georgia sound like the end of the world is near. I consider myself environmentally conscious, a border-line ‘tree-hugger,' but I’m also realistic, and sentences that compare our drought to ‘pitiless lava’ flowing over the state make me laugh.

Moving on.

My biggest complaint about the article is that the main point (Clayton County’s water treatment method) isn’t reached until the fourth graph…and then, the method isn’t described until the very end—graph 31. I had to read on and on through a slew of facts before finally reaching a description of the treatment method.

I feel that the writer, Jerry Grillo, used too many quotes, most of which are facts that could have been re-worded and stated as such. Almost every other graph starts with an unnecessary quote, which makes the article hard to follow.
Grillo was also very vague in much of the article. He mentions “cutting edge technology” and “future projects” without any further descriptions or even links to show what those might be. I think a helpful addition would be in-depth descriptions of water treatment and recycling methods in other parts of the country and the world.

Georgia, as a whole, is lagging behind many other states in water conservation and recycling, and by comparing Clayton county’s methods to others out there, I believe more readers may become interested and inspired. The U.S. EPA site has some helpful information and facts on water recyclling, its methods and benefits.

The article goes on to talk about an annual water ‘taste-testing’ award in Georgia. This is somewhat relevant, but I think that even more important would be a pH testing. Uninformed people may be skeptical of water-recycling, and need to be assured that the water is actually safe to drink, not just good-tasting.

Blog #1: Red and Black Article

While I was looking for articles to critique for this assignment, I came across an article in the Red and Black from January 22nd titled Physician leads effort to rid world of malaria. Upon seeing this headline, I immediately thought, "Well, that's great, but how does this at all relate to the university or Athens?" The first two paragraphs of the article consist of a short biography of Dr. Stephen L. Hoffman. Not until the third paragraph does the reader discover that Dr. Hoffman spoke at the University Chapel on January 20th.

Since the Red and Black is a newspaper "serving the University of Georgia community," it only seems proper that the headline should tie the physician's efforts to rid the world of malaria into his recent appearance at the university. As the headline appears in the paper, it could easily appear in the New York Times, Washington Post, or any other national newspaper. From the surface, it seems like a national news story inserted into the news section to fill up space at the last minute. Only when one delves further into the story (three paragraphs in!) does one realize that the story does indeed relate to the university.

Additionally, the first sentence of the article, "Dr. Stephen L. Hoffman is knocking on the door of a preeminent group of scientists," concerns me. The first question that comes to my mind upon reading this statement is, "what group?" The reporter, Alex Busko never answers this question directly. After reading the article, one could assert that Hoffman and perhaps other scientists are on the verge of curing malaria. However, Busko does not mention any other scientists that have been working on a cure for malaria, with or without Hoffman's help. Consequently, the "knocking on the door" metaphor is somewhat confusing considering the article lacks any other mention to the "group of scientists" Busko originally mentions.

Something that many newspapers have begun to do on their websites that I like is linking to related content. Unfortunately, the Red and Black has not followed suit. In this story, Busko could have linked to the website for Sanaria, Dr. Hoffman's company.

Blog #1: Athens Banner Herald Online

The Athens Banner-Herald online article headline, Program uses arts to boost learning math, other subjects, is awkwardly constructed and does not convey the content of the article in the best manner possible. In the spirit of "improving everything around me," I think that the impact of this article would reach a broader audience if it was worded in a more creative, less stilted fashion. Nothing drew me to the article outside of the need to improve the headline for this blog.

While the headline needs improving, the article does redeem itself with a small degree of cleverness in the lead graph. Reporter, Merritt Melancon, said, “Learning basic arithmetic and phonics might not inspire many kids to sing or dance, but that doesn't mean that singing and dancing won't inspire them to learn.” This graph adequately grasps reader attention in the way that the headline did not. It also conveys the basic ideas that Melancon goes on to discuss throughout the article.

Unfortunately, there is another element working against Melancon for reader time. In my pursuit of the full body of this article, I encountered multiple annoyances in the form of “pop-up” advertisements. While Jason Winders, editor of the Athens Banner-Herald, said, in an interview, that corner-fold advertisements are so popular that he can consistently raise their rates, they are incredibly distracting to dismiss when I want to read an article on the Web site. Even more bothersome are full-page ads that you must exit before seeing any part of the article you are seeking.

While I understand that advertising revenue is absolutely crucial in generating revenue for the Banner-Herald, it would benefit the online editors to conceive of a means of displaying advertisements that does not completely block the actual product. The prevalence of annoying “pop-up” advertisements is one element that detracts from my enjoyment of the online news experience.

Online News Design

As I was searching news Web sites to find articles for this assignment, I couldn't help but notice how much a Web site's design affected my willingness to browse its stories. 

Take for instance the Red & Black. At first glance, nothing on the page really jumps out at me–well, other than the annoying banner advertisements. As Professor Parks has said, editors are called to improve everything around them. Everything. This includes design as well as grammar, punctuation and spelling. 

In "The Newspaper Designer's Handbook," Tim Harrower explains, "the World Wide Web is still in its infancy. Only a decade ago, most editors and publishers had no idea how to translate news pages onto a digital platform."

I believe that it is now our job as editors reared in the technology era to visually improve how the news is translated from print to the Web.

Harrower continues, "like fish learning to walk on land, newspapers are slowly evolving and adjusting to this new terrain. Too many news Web sites are still disorganized, unappealing and unprofitable, but online design is steadily improving."

As journalists of the next generation, we must raise the standards of design even higher.

After noticing the disorganization and unappealing layout of the Red and Black's Web page, I looked at other news Web sites to see how these problems could be improved.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution's Web site appears much cleaner and is much easier to navigate. Like the Red and Black, editors at the AJC have chosen not to take advantage of modern storytelling devices such as audio, video and animated graphics; however, in my opinion, the Web site is much more visually inviting despite its lack of multimedia usage. 

Harrower emphasizes that special projects and the use of multimedia are truly the cutting edge of journalism. Now more than ever, I believe it is important for editors to use all of our technological resources in order to give citizens the most attractive, well-organized information possible. 

Blog # 1 Life as a Townie

In the article Enjoy life as a townie after graduation, I find the commentary about life as a working adult in the "real world" to be false and over glamorized. The writer Phillip Kisubika explains how he once looked at "townies"--people who reside in Athens who are not students. He claims he once thought townies were weird. Although he once demised the life of a townie, he is now proud to call himself a one. For he believes that the benefits of being a townie, which include free drinks downtown to be far more self-fulfilling, then actually moving on from Athens. 

Since Phillips worries no longer include updating his facebook status about "the last first day school", but rather missing article deadlines, he has much more incentive and need to "drink away a hard days work". And what better place to do that than downtown Athens? I feel that this article misrepresents the lifestyle of someone who just graduated. With the economy at it's current state not to mention the unemployment rate, recent graduates are strenuously looking for employment opportunities and are often coming up short. I do not believe that when I graduate in two semesters that I will be concerned with analyzing at current students facebook status' or getting a free beer downtown. In fact I predict it to be quite the opposite. 

His depiction of the "transition period" between college and the "real world" is unrealistic. Moreover,  if Phillip has a full time job, when does his "real world" actually begin? It seems more like Phillip has a hard time moving past the glory days of skipping class, football games and happy hours.  

Blog #1: Banner-Herald Inauguration Story

Regarding news judgment, I think the Athens Banner-Herald's story, "Athens feels impact of momentous day," represents precisely the news angle needed by the Banner-Herald to produce hyper-local content without sacrificing essential state and national stories.

The article, written by a Banner-Herald staffer rather than an Associated Press reporter, approaches the story of Obama’s transition in to office by talking with Athens residents watching from home, locals that traveled to Washington, D.C., University of Georgia professors and local public officials. Though the task is admittedly easier with a story as big as the presidential inauguration, this is the kind of localization the Banner-Herald should incorporate in all its state and national coverage.

Even when mentioning the mood in Washington, the quote is from the manager of R.E.M., a hometown band. It’s right there in the headline: impact. Well done.

Stylistically, the lead is personal and opens the article up to many different reactions to the event. A huge number of quotes are included—and appropriately so in a reactionary piece—drawn from prominent local politicians as well as everyday Athens residents.

I was surprised that there was no mention of any negative reactions by Athens republicans or residents opposed to the new President. The word “momentous” in the headline does have positive connotations, but I think the story would have been more complete with the inclusion of an opposing viewpoint. I know there were several different articles about the inauguration in today’s newspaper. Perhaps negative feedback was reported elsewhere, and the editors decided this piece could be upbeat.

I questioned the construction of one sentence:

“Democratic Party of Georgia Chairwoman Jane Kidd, an Athens resident and another ticket-holder, was able to get to her seat relatively near the Capitol, but still was far enough away that she relied on a nearby Jumbotron, she said.”

Does there really need to be a comma within the section I have bolded? These are certainly not two independent clauses because the section after the comma could not stand alone as a sentence. Following the rule of thumb outlined in The Associated Press Stylebook, the comma before the conjunction is used if the subject of each clause is expressly stated; however, The AP Stylebook favors the use of a comma. My judgment favors no comma in this case, but I would appreciate a thoughtful comment to set the record straight. (Don’t miss this opportunity for one of your three required comments!)

We talked in lecture about the necessity for “moment” stories in forging an emotional bond between the newspaper and its readers, which I think this article exemplifies. This may not be precisely what Professor Parks meant, but the Banner-Herald Web site also has a link to an interesting, interactive Associated Press photo gallery of images from around the world as President Obama was sworn in to office.

Sandwich Bandit?

I think that the article entitled, "Police on lookout for sandwich bandit," is misleading, but they caught it.