Man saves three people, then issued a ticket

This is an article, from the Associated Press, I came across that left me in disbelief. There isn't too much wrong with the article other than a lack of information, but I thought I'd share it with everyone because it is just too unreal.

A bus driver and another man left a public bus to help two eldery women passengers cross a busy street, the bus driver pushed the three out of the path of an oncoming pickup truck and was consequently stuck and suffered serious injuries, including bleeding in the brain and broken bones.

When the Colorado State Patrol arrived on the scene, the officer actually wrote the unconscious samaritan a ticket for jaywalking!

I could not believe this man was punished by police for risking his life to save three others.

I would have liked the article to include more information and sources such as the police chief or spokesman for their input on this case. An interview with one of the three people saved would have contributed to the story as well.

As a side note, the fifth graph is a bit shaky and confusing. Why exactly did these two women get off the bus "in the interest of safety," when this bus stop on the busy Denver street (during a snowstorm nonetheless) was clearly anything but safe. Or did the author mean that the bus driver left the bus in the interest of safety? This sentence should be revised.

I'll be looking to see if there's any update on this story for a response from the Denver Police Dept. and to see if this ridiculous ticket actually holds up.

Why Numbers Matter in a "Profession of Words"

With an influx of news stories concerning the economy and President Obama's stimulus package, I thought it would be interesting to take a closer look at the statistics involved in an average Associated Press economic story. In dedication to Joe's recent lecture on numbers, I will attempt to assess the readability and relevance of the statistics in the article (despite my pathetic math skills).

The lede is quite informative, but has an overabundance of words and information. As an editor, I would trim it down or extend it into the nut graph.

In the third paragraph, the writer (Andrew Taylor) does an excellent job explaining to readers how the taxpayer credit would affect the average couple. As Joe mentioned, making numbers meaningful in stories contributes to the article's impact. In this case, the writer went the extra mile to connect the government’s decision with amount of money citizens would receive. Readers cannot help but feel as if the writer is sympathetic toward the average citizen.

In the fourth paragraph, the term "Officials estimated it would mean..." sounds awkward. Perhaps "Officials estimated the change would result in $13..." would work better.

Overall, listing how much and where money is allocated requires solid reporting, but the reader will most likely get bored. Personally, I cannot fathom the difference between $70 billion and $87 billion. Instead, the reader wants to know how these changes will affect his or her daily life. If presented differently, the numbers may not be as hard to swallow and the writer could also establish trends by comparing the data with previous years.

Since the article is considered hard news, I wouldn’t recommend translating money into anything crazy like Ferraris or kittens, but at least something slightly more interesting. For instance, the plan would give a collective $87 billion to all 52 states for Medicaid. If these programs are already in debt, how would $87 billion help? Does this translate into millions of operating tables or additional personnel each year? Would this measure make other forms of health care more affordable? These are questions the writer needs to address in the article or in a follow-up story.

Nevertheless, Taylor wrote clearly and with tact — something that's often forgotten in budget articles. Maybe he tried to make the statistics more interesting, but was refused by his editor. Whatever the case may be, hard news needs to be compelling to the reader. The writer's job is to synthesize the information for the reader, not provide a hard copy of the stimulus package.

If applicable, I try to find the most interesting way to present numbers. For units such as acres, liters and grams, this is a fantastic Web site to play around with. Who knew 548,903 acres equals 0.86 Luxembourgs?

The Influence of Young Bloggers

Let’s say you love fashion, know enough about it to be a source of global inspiration, but are only halfway through high school; how do you show the world that you’ve already arrived? “Start a blog, of course,” says Evonne Gambrell, who interviewed a slew of young influential fashion bloggers for the March 2009 issue of Teen Vogue. I mean, we can’t all be Esteban Cortazars, now can we?
Gambrell’s article, entitled “key players,” does an excellent job of employing news decision values, recently discussed in class, to create a story that is fresh, inspirational and connects readers around the world. Gambrell's sources, although young, create the excitement that both journalism and fashion need. They are youthful, extraordinary and original in thoughts and action which is important for capturing and holding an audience's attention.
Blogging is hardly considered an innovative concept, but when blogs written by teenagers garner 25,000 views per day, and undoubtedly more now that they’ve been featured in a major magazine, the idea is fresh and newsworthy. How often is it that fashion bigwigs, like Anna Wintour, are knocked off their high horses by mere high school students who couldn’t possibly know more about style than they do? The thought is inspiring.
In addition to inspiring fashionistas internationally, the article appeals to aspiring journalists as well. Through her blog, bunnybisous.com, eighteen-year-old Julia Frakes has been able to launch her journalism career by drawing enough attention to become a reliable source in the world of fashion. She says, “I get, like, 800 e-mails a day from PR people pitching me stories.” Gambrell claims that, “gaining access to events and connecting with industry idols, from models to designers, is definitely a perk for some bloggers.”
Through “players” Gambrell also creates a bond between bloggers, viewers and Teen Vogue readers. These stylish blogs are areas where fashion enthusiasts of all ages can come together to view and comment on an idea. It can be described as a social network that allows viewers the ability to feel personally connected to their fashion idols while receiving the chance to become trend-setters themselves. The influence that these Web sites have is astounding.
Hey, we’re living in a technological world, and it’s nice to see that with the aid of this technology, one is never too young to start making his or her dream a reality.

An AJC feature: invasion of the lionfish?

When I arrived at the Metro section of today’s issue of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, my eye immediately landed upon a lone picture of an exotic-looking fish. The accompanying article, “Lionfish growing like kudzu on state’s coast,” caught my attention due to its unusual subject matter, but, as a whole, it contained serious structural issues that left me feeling confused and dissatisfied.

I wondered how this subject could be relevant to landlocked Atlanta. The story is in the Metro section, but since the headline explicitly mentions the “state’s coast,” Atlantans were likely bewildered by it. The headline and lede suggest that the article is about the lionfish’s burgeoning population, but the caption above the photo and the sub-headline advertise it as a report on an exhibit at Atlanta's Georgia Aquarium.

It’s understandable that The AJC wants to add some local spin, but this article’s said “spin” is too brief. Writer Leon Stafford only addresses the Aquarium exhibit at the beginning of the story, mentioning the exhibit’s opening date and surface details (e.g. size of tank, amount of lionfish) and nothing else. He merely restates what the sub-headline already said: the exhibit will attempt to “educate visitors about invasive species.” He doesn’t mention how it will achieve this, nor does he refer to the Aquarium again in the remainder of the article (save for one trivial graph about how to catch lionfish).

The bulk of the story reads like an environmental piece that lengthily discusses the lionfish crisis and its effect on the region. This information may be important to some, but Stafford fails to make it locally relevant. Another problem: aquariums, according to researchers, caused this lionfish outbreak — a sharp contrast with the exhibit’s goal to discourage such practices. Not to mention that it’s ambiguous who the “researchers” supplying this information even are, detracting from the story’s credibility.

Aside from the deceptive headline (conveniently patched up in the online version), the article has no semblance of flow, suffering from a surplus of disjointed quotes and jarring, awkward transitions. To illustrate: The lede has nothing to do with the subsequent graph, which jumps from the exhibit to the lionfish’s unwanted presence in the next. Suddenly it’s discussing the exhibit again before abruptly segueing back to the lionfish crisis via an out-of-place quote about ditching animals in non-native habitats. I understand what Stafford was trying to accomplish, but organizationally it’s a mess.

Settliement?

Scanning the Sci/Tech category of Google News, I came across this headline: "Facebook's '$65m settliement' might be worth a lot less".

Yes, I know, it was the spelling that caught my attention too.

Of course typos in the headline are always embarrassing (just take a look at this wall of shame).  Since it was in quotes, however, I thought that perhaps I'd jumped to conclusions.  Surely the journalist was simply pointing out someone else's bad spelling.  Wouldn't that be delicious - a blatant spelling error in a statement about a college networking site, in itself a sort of writing cesspool of bad spelling, poor grammar, slang, and all the worst of the texting social culture that genre of site is supposed to appeal to.  In other words, I was hoping this headline was aiming for something akin to this one.

It would've been terribly entertaining if that had been the case, but it was my first assumption - that someone forgot to proof-read - which was correct.  That is unless the typo was quoted from something else and simply not mentioned anywhere in the article except for the headline, in which case I would take issue with the lack of explanation for an apparent error on the reporter's part.

I had a few other minor issues with the article itself :

"A settlement by Facebook's founder to college classmates..."  

Shouldn't it read "A settlement between Facebook's founder and his college classmates..." or something similar?  You don't "make a settlement to" do you?  

And the final graph should have been deleted or placed earlier in the story, such as under the graph that first mentions the AP's "sleuthing", versus at the very end, where I've already forgotten about it.  

Zulu Society Celebrating 100th Birthday at Mardi Gras

As I was browsing through articles in the New York Times, I stumbled upon this one about The Zulu Social Aid and Pleasure Club celebrating its century birthday. Just the title of the article captured my curiosity, because it's not often you see the word "Zulu" in the New York Times.

Although I'm not sure that the lead really does the later description of the event justice, it DID draw me in; I was trying to figure out what on earth this society could possibly be doing to raise eyes on the most extravagant and rowdy holiday in New Orleans.

The Zulus are an African-American social club that was formed to allow black citizens to celebrate Mardi Gras in their own way. As well as being a social organization, they also have a mission to provide aid when needed.

I love the descriptive language the writer, Wayne Curtis, uses to explain the appearance of the Zulu's parade, which he says looks "like something from an old social studies filmstrip about stereotypes and how to avoid them, the kind of thing that crops up today mostly in news accounts involving students being expelled from school."

Curtis does a great job with his organization and flow of facts; he starts with the 'shock factor' to draw the reader in, then explains the parade, and then, just as I was getting frustrated because I didn't know who this group was or what they did, he writes a brief history, including one of their accomplished aid goals.

He also writes about the effect that Hurricane Katrina had on the organization and its members, which hadn't even crossed my mind.

Overall, I was impressed with this article. I felt that Curtis was well-informed and well-organized and wrote the article with honesty (about the organization, the parade and the appearance of it) and with respect (towards New Orleans citizens and the organization.) Yet, he also writes with a catchy flare that enhanced my reading experience. I finished the article without any questions left unanswered.

How To: Feel Incompetent

I'm not a crafty person at all but once in a while, if a craft "how to" seems simple enough, I will attempt it.

"How To" articles, or so I thought, were supposed to be catered towards the craft-challenged, and somehow at the end of most of the instructions, I'm left with unusual cuts, bruises, and a pathetic excuse for a _________ (giant ice sculpture, homemade pop-up-cards, etc...).

Since I have the hand-eye coordination of a 2-year-old, I thought "HOW TO: Remodel phone book pages into beautiful bouquet" would be simple enough. First of all, the headline is way too long. I think it's a little bit redundant to even point out that you will be using the phone book pages. I know we're catering towards someone with a 6th grade education, but it seems a bit obvious when you are making a bouquet. I thought a better title would have been "How to: Make a Phone Book Bouquet." Then again, I failed at making the bouquet, so I could use the clarification of using "the pages" and not the book itself.

Also, I thought that the lede should have been cut out and the second paragraph should have been used as the lede. It was much more attention getting and concise. Plus, I think the reference to family members is somewhat overused.

The main complaint that I had when I read this article is that it didn't have pictures next to the steps. I think the biggest pitfall of "How To" articles are over-simplified. I know this bouquet is easy to make. I'd like to think I'm smarter than some phone book pages, but pictures would have helped immensely. I also understand that with the limited space, in The Red and Black, pictures would be a waste of space but I think that the online version of the story could have included some thumbnails.

This article shows how to make a wreath, and although this is much more difficult than a phone-book bouquet, the pictures and overly in-depth instructions make this more idiot-proof (for people such as myself).

Front Page Headline Misleading

The first headline that I read this morning came from the Red & Black: Protestors storm Adams' office. I was immediately intrigued. What are they protesting? What was the outcome? How did President Adams react when they torched the place? How many people actually fit into his office?

Unfortunately, my intrigue quickly turned to disappointment. As I read the story, I learned that in reality, the group of 150 students, workers and supporters of the living wage rally only made it to North Campus. They simply stood outside the administration building with their petition, which had an impressive 1,500 signatures. 

Instead of supporting the headline, the story fell short of high expectations. If the story had followed a less misleading headline, the story would have done the job of persuading other students and faculty to join the fight. 

The video that accompanies the story further demonstrates the need for a more truthful headline. The protestors opened the door to the building, were asked to quiet down because Adams was on a conference call, and politely shut the door. 

I am not saying in any way that the story itself was wrong or bad. I am only pointing out that an editor should have noticed that the promise in the headline was not followed through in the subsequent story. 

Here's an example of a clever headline in the same R&B issue that explains very well the subsequent story: Shortstop Schnake moves from middle of nowhere to starting lineup. The story is about a player from an Illinois town of about 300 people--literally, the middle of nowhere. I like the headline's use of a play on words here. It tells the overview of the story and intrigues the reader. As soon as I read this, I wanted to know where she came from and how she got there. Who is this special player who has suddenly risen to the top?

Overall I think editors, especially at the Red & Black, need to pay close attention to the promises of their headlines. Are they misleading? Do they interest the reader while at the same time telling a story? 

An Organizational Problem

This morning I got to class about 10 minutes early and picked up today’s issue of the Red and Black. The front page story entitled “Budget hinders Physical Plant” caught my attention with the lede. It was long. Three full sentences in one lede. It succeeded in catching my attention by using the pronoun “they” repetitively before reminding me that the article was about the physical plant. But, ending the lede with the sentence, “They are the University's Physical Plant - and many students may not know they exist,” does not tell me what the article is about. That is unless the article really is about how students on campus don’t know that the physical plant exist. But that would not be a front page article. The next paragraph simply says that more students will become aware of the plant’s existence in the future (also not what the article is about). The third paragraph states the subject of the article, that the physical plant has fallen victim to budget cuts, and gives the location of the plant. Yet, I got the same information from the headline. I still don’t know how the budget cuts are affecting the plant and the location of the plant seems somewhat trivial when speaking of cut backs. Finally, in the last paragraph before the jump, the article says that the plant is having trouble affording to replace equipment. One of the needed machines was a backup air compressor for the steam plant on campus. The article says, “With two compressors, if one broke down, the other could be used to keep operations running. But with budget cuts, he said the machine must wait.” The article is paraphrasing Ken Crowe, but I don’t believe that the machine is waiting on a backup. A better paraphrase would have been, “he said that plant will have to wait on the machine.” A couple of the last paragraphs deal with how the “things that have traditionally made our campus beautiful and attractive” will be put on backburner and students will see more chipped paint and worn carpets. I would have moved them to the top, as they seem the most relevant to students on campus. My last concern is with the sources. The reporter used three sources, which is good. But, there is a whole list of directors for the University's Physical Plant who could have been interviewed to get a good grasp of the affect of the budget cuts.

For Bad Journalism, Look No Further Than Your Hometown Newspaper

Being from Lawrenceville, I read the Gwinnett Daily Post's online edition almost daily. Almost every time I visit the Web site, I find stories riddled with errors. If not actual AP style errors, the stories simply don't make good sense.

In this particular story, Josh Green, who normally does a decent job as a crime reporter, definitely does not meet the standards for what I would call good, solid journalism. In the second graph, Green writes, "the precinct has logged 96 entering-auto incidents." In my estimation, "entering-auto incidents" just does not flow well. Why couldn't he have said "the precinct has logged 96 incidents in which automobiles were entered?" "Entering-auto incidents" is just too much of a tongue twister (there is not an AP style rule for "tongue twister").

In the third graph, Green writes that the "victim's had left their vehicles unlocked." Wow. Victim's? Didn't we learn this in like 5th grade that an apostrophe on a noun shows POSSESSION?

Green writes that the crimes "have happened between 2:30 and 10:30 p.m." Shouldn't it say "2:30 p.m. and 10:30 p.m.?" For all the reader knows, it could be 2:30 a.m. Additionally, I believe he should have capitalized the word "police" in "Gwinnett police."

At one point, Green says "some more popular items lifted from cars include GPS devices, laptops, cell phones, purses and cameras." This sentence prompted me to look back up toward the top of the article to see what other items were stolen, only to realize that he ways saying these were the most popular items.

I won't even comment on his use of "easterly Gwinnettians." That's just kind of ridiculous. Just say "east Gwinnett residents," PLEASE.

Like I said, Green seems to usually do a better job than this so perhaps he was just having an off day. An example of his usual quality of work can be found here.

Of Websites and Woe

I have been thinking a lot recently about publication for the Web and how we as journalists must embrace it to survive. What’s so exciting about publishing on the Web is that it opens up a completely new creative aspect of design as far as strategic editing.

Web sites are a completely new animal. Not only do the links, pictures and headlines change throughout the day, but layouts are completely free form. This can be effective, or not, as I will describe.

Just look at the Atlanta Journal-Constitution’s Web site. With a head bar and three columns, it’s a mess. What I think I hate most about the homepage layout is that there is no big, bold ATLANTA JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION across the top of the page. Instead: a small “ajc” graphic peeks at you from the top left corner. Also, the dreaded advertising space is definitely distracting.

Without scrolling down, you see a few pictures and probably 20 links distributed across the page. Headlines are visible on the site, but there are so many. There’s no distinction between, or even excerpts about, the articles. It’s good that the Web site presents so much information on the front page, but I felt stories were lost in the layout. I don’t know how many people actually scroll down on the front page, but I was almost sorry that I did. At first, there is a little organization and even some pictures, but then you are faced with a sea of links. The amount of links creates odd negative space.

However, The New York Times Web site appears to be cleaner. The home page of the Web site is laid out very much like a front page of a newspaper! There’s the nameplate, just how I like it at the top of the page. There are more than three columns and lines that separate sections and organized sections of links. Along the left side, there is a list of links to sections of the newspaper that stories are filed under. The layout creates a visual hierarchy, and it’s very easy to distinguish what is important.

However, just like the Atlanta Journal-Constitution Web site, once you scroll down on the homepage, you find a link graveyard. I may be ignorant, but how many readers regularly use the bottom of the page like that? And is there any newspaper Web site that doesn’t utilize this?

Maybe I surf the web differently, but I would almost never scroll down to access a link when I could just click on a section and see it that way. I just wonder why web editors and designers decide that this is how Web sites must look. What is the model that they are working from? What do you think?

Brown vs. Rihanna

Since the Grammy Awards, speculation and scandal has been all that has surrounded pop and R&B sensations Rihanna and Chris Brown. The couple, whom have dated for a year, were both absent at the Grammy's, and it was not long before everyone knew why. In the article written by Gil Kaufman, his report features many alleged claims made by other sources such as TMZ and E! Online. Kaufman's goal in his article was to present the most up-to-date facts about the conflict between Rihanna and Brown. In his representation of the TMZ material, he only uses the word erroneously to clear up the false allegations against Brown, that claim he was being charged "with assault with a deadly weapon." However, in fact, the case between Brown and Rihanna is a matter of domestic violence. If Kaufman was trying to present the facts as clearly as possible, I believe he should have done a better job of presenting Brown's side. Moreover, MTV News along with the LA Times are breaking normal editorial policy and basic respect by disclosing information on the conflict because of the "high-profile nature of the case." Although the two recording artists are in the public eye, this traumatic event should not be posted all over gossip Web pages not to mention national newspapers such as the NYT or LA Times. If Rihanna's injuries are in fact as "horrific" as Kaufman's article says, the woman deserves a little respect. Moreover, Kaufman does not represent Brown's side of the story very well at all. I am not condoning abuse, but there is obviously a lot of detail behind this story that TMZ, MTV, E! Online and the like cannot present at this time. Kaufman should have shed light on the horror of domestic violence, presenting resources for affected individuals. Lastly, he should have recognized the simple fact that, despite Brown's public career, he is an fallible human, which is so eloquently done by his friend T.I. in an interview with Carson Daily. 

Man Dragged 20 Miles Under Car

In an article from the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Guido Salvador Carabajo-Jara, a 26-year-old man from Ecuador, was struck by a car and then somehow rolled underneath a second vehicle, being dragged through New York City for almost 20 miles.
This is really a bizarre, tragic story. I was disappointed that such a story was barely covered, with only a few short graphs and no details at all on this man.
I don't really like the headline of the story either: 'Body dragged on NYC roads was 26, from Ecuador.' This headline is too wordy and I don't know why the author felt it was necessary to include ",from Ecuador" in the headline. How is that SO relevant to the story? And it's a bit of information, which the reader would have discovered by the third sentence anyway.
Also, shouldn't it say "man dragged on NYC roads" instead of body dragged?
Another minor thing which I found strange was in the second graph when it actually gave the phonetic spelling of the man's name. I may be wrong but is this a normal practice in news writing? I can't think of a time I've seen that before. Here is an article which involves people with hard-to-pronounce last names in which they give no phonetic spelling for. Better yet, here is another article with crazy last names which the author doesn't spell phonetically, names like Saltalamacchia.
An interview with one (or both) of the drivers would have been interesting and beneficial in explaining how exactly they managed to drag this poor guy all across town without even realizing. Both drivers were identified so it wasn't impossible to get a comment. Also, police said the "gruesome episode" was accidental, but they couldn't have known this without talking to witnesses or the drivers themselves.
Lastly, it would have been nice to include some insight on this man's life, seeing how he is dead now. Why did he move to the U.S.? What was he doing living in Queens? Did he have family?
Again, sad story-should have been given more in-depth coverage.

Note: I went back and researched this story again, the New York Times covered it very well in an updated article. The article not only interviews the driver, but also the victim's family. The NYT went in-depth covering Mr. Carabajo's background. From a small town in Ecuador, he was living with relatives in New York to work and save money. He had a 5-month-old child, and a huge, close-knit family. Making this story even more tragic, he was killed the day of his 26th birthday party. Even more shocking than that, his sister was at a coffee shop at the scene of the accident and witnessed the police activity; she had no idea the man who had been struck and dragged was her brother.

Visions as an art form

Commendation is due to photographer Frannie Fabian for her photo, which accompanies “Visions of Color” on the front page of the Jan. 22, 2009, Red and Black's Out-and-About section.

“Visions” is a story about a group of art students’ home that has been decorated with self-made works of art, but the most prominent display of art in the story is the photo of the artists themselves.

Fabian’s photo skillfully creates oneness amongst the artists and their art.

Using natural light and dressing the students in black, reds and deep purples that match the colors used in their art work, Fabian crafts a vibrant portrait of the artists and their work that expertly flatters the two. The colors compliment each other so well that it is almost difficult to distinguish between the artists in their home and their paintings exhibited behind them.

Through the article journalist Courtney Smith seeks to paint a portrait of the harmony that encompasses a house full of artists and their masterpieces. The three female student residents, who study at the University of Georgia’s art school, are portrayed in a positive light. They are quoted as stating that they get along great and appreciate each other because of their common interest: love of art.

Errors, however, abound in the article and spoil some of its charm. Commas are misplaced or nonexistent. For example, the quote “But we couldn’t just live in a house where every wall is just a plain beige so one day we just started hanging up everything on all of the walls,” is missing a comma between the words “beige” and “so”, and the date in the upper right-hand corner of Jan. 22, 2008, is an obvious mistake.

Also, the article lacks depth with its quotes coming entirely from the art students, who share the home. It would be interesting to see other students’ reactions to the house as well.

The article also neglects other areas of significance such as the students’ specific interests in art. Smith does a great job of describing the artists’ home, but fails to mention what the students like to draw or sculpt and where they find their inspirations.

The paintings that are displayed in the background of the photo give an indication of the artists’ talent but tell nothing of other individual works of art.

Overall, the human-interest article is well-written, providing the rest of the UGA student body with inspiration to get up and do something about the blank walls in their apartments.

Oconee Leader misses again by my reckoning

After surveying that stunning piece of journalism from the Oconee Leader today in lab, I decided to edit another story from the online edition of the paper. ‘Road retirees had century of experience’ did not disappoint, providing ample material on which to practice my editing skills.

The headline immediately concerned me. It does not clearly convey the type of workers that have retired. Perhaps there is legitimate reason to keep the headline short, but I think a one-word addition would be a great improvement: ‘Road department retirees had century of experience.’

Vague references to the time of the event occur twice in the first two graphs. The ceremony happened on “Monday” of “this week.” Professor Fink taught me to be specific when mentioning dates in a story because newspapers serve as local record archives. This article ran on Jan. 28, and it is already confusing to the reader just over a week later.

Passive voice appears in the second graph. The men “were recognized.” The sentence does not clarify who recognized them.

I think the phrase, “by his reckoning,” is too colloquial for journalistic use. I understand that it fits with the tone of the article, but that justification only holds if the word appears in a quote.

Southern publications are especially prone to colloquialism. The word, “figured,” is another pet peeve of mine, as seen in a different Oconee Enterprise article. I am not positive if this use is actually incorrect, but I personally cannot abide it.

In the seventh graph, the author places an unnecessary comma in the following sentence: “Watson operated heavy equipment, right up to the end, a remarkable feat for a 78-year-old, one-legged man.” A speaker may wish to pause after “equipment” for dramatic effect, but there is no grammatical necessity for the first comma.

The mention of one-legged Watson interested me, but the writer kept me in suspense about the nature of Watson’s injury for another five graphs. I recommend placing that explanation before the introduction of Watson’s replacement for better continuity.

Near the end of the article, the author refers to Watson’s “avocation.” The author uses the word correctly, but considering that newspapers are typically written at a sixth grade reading level, it would be clearer to use a synonym, such as ‘hobby.’

Lack of Information on Murder Case

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution ran a story covering the death of a 54-year-old man who had been fatally beaten. This story is unique for the fact that before the victim died, he was taken to a nearby hospital and treated by a doctor who coincidentally turns out to be the victims very own daughter. The doctor didn't know she was treating her father because his face was so badly beaten. I can understand why this story ran, but found a few flaws that made the story misleading, confusing and lacking in information.First of all, the second line is poorly worded. "..she was shocked to learn the identity of the 54-year-old beaten man later Tuesday from her brother." At first, I thought they were saying that the brother had beaten the man. Then I realized that the brother was only the informant (told his sister about the situation). Also, the word Tuesday could give the reader (especially one just skimming through the article) the notion that the beating took place on Tuesday. But what the article actually meant was that the Doctor (daughter) didn't actually find out about the incident until Tuesday. Basically, that sentence was a bit confusing and misleading. An example of how this sentence should have been written to be more clear can be found in the first paragraph of this news article from the Associated Press. One last thing, there isn't much information about why or how this man was killed. It was reported that two men were seen walking away from the beaten man. Was there any evidence (weapons) found? Do the police have any suspects other than these two strangers seen walking away? Where did this fatal beating even occur? A bar? A street corner? The article doesn't give any clear details which could have been easily attainable. What about a possible motive? The reporters could have dug deeper into this man's life to see if he was involved with any activity which may have been attributed to his beating.I may seem too critical, the article itself was okay, but could have been beefed up a little more.

Obama's Secret Record Collection

The Rolling Stone article entitled “Obama’s Secret Record Collection” immediately caught my eye. The journalist, David Browne, begins by saying, “When Barack Obama moved into the White House on January 20th, he gained access to five chefs, a private bowling alley- and a killer collection of LPs."
Perfect. After months and months of being bombarded with terms like "bailout," "recession" and even “Joe the Plumber,” I was appreciative of an article about the president that didn’t make me furrow my brow and worry about the future. I am certainly not discrediting these issues as legitimate, far-reaching concerns; I am simply saying that it was refreshing to read an article about the White House that captured my interest without an accompanying feeling of nausea and panic.
Preface aside, I enjoyed Browne’s tongue-in-cheek discourse on the evolution of the record collection in various presidential administrations. In 1973, during the Nixon administration, the RIAA, the record companies’ trade group, donated 2,000 albums to the Library. Browne humorously adds that there is a downside to this benevolent gift. “The bad news: The selection was dominated by the likes of Pat Boone, the Carpenters and John Denver,” Browne says, with the biting sarcasm that has become a prerequisite for any Rolling Stone reporter.
Browne includes interesting touches in his article, including that each LP is marked with the presidential seal. I also enjoyed how he documents the respective personalities of several presidents in relation to how the LP collection was used. For example, during the Carter administration, the collection was placed “near the third-floor listening room, complete with a sound system.” Conversely, during the Reagan administration, the LPs were moved to a less prominent locale, namely the basement. Browne nods toward Nancy Reagan as the catalyst behind this decision.Browne concludes his article by mentioning Obama’ s favorite albums that are included in the collection, Bob Dylan’s "Blood on the Tracks" and Bruce Springsteen’s "Born to Run." This closing paragraph is a perfect addition to an interesting article and sets Browne up for an anticipated follow-up

RIP John

When I came upon the article entitled, John the Toilet Shot, Laid to Rest, I was confused. There was a person on a toilet who was shot? However, when once reading the article I came to understand that "John" is literally "the john" or most recognizably the toilet. At a Carl's Jr. in Centerville, Utah  a patrons gun unloaded as he was pulling up his pants from his time on the toilet. The bullet hit John "a porcelain commode". The article however does not clarify immediately that John is not actually a real person. By capitalizing the J in john the author makes it seem that it is actually a real person.

The article goes farther when he says that John was "gunned down in an accidental shooting at a fast food restaurant's bathroom." Moreover, he says "his age was not immediately known." By describing the toilet as a person with the word "his" rather than using "it", I assumed that a person really was shot while using the toilet at a Carl's Jr. 

In addition to personifying the toilet, the employees at Carl's Jr. had a life like memorial service for John that included flowers and the first 50 patrons that entered the restaurant received bottle of John's favorite toilet bowl cleaner, "Kaboom Bowl Blaster."

Although a clever marketing ploy for the restaurant, the Associated Press should have done a better job of clarifying that John was not actually a real person. They could have easily accomplished this by using a picture of a shattered toilet. Likewise, by not personifying "John" so much.