Brown vs. Rihanna

Since the Grammy Awards, speculation and scandal has been all that has surrounded pop and R&B sensations Rihanna and Chris Brown. The couple, whom have dated for a year, were both absent at the Grammy's, and it was not long before everyone knew why. In the article written by Gil Kaufman, his report features many alleged claims made by other sources such as TMZ and E! Online. Kaufman's goal in his article was to present the most up-to-date facts about the conflict between Rihanna and Brown. In his representation of the TMZ material, he only uses the word erroneously to clear up the false allegations against Brown, that claim he was being charged "with assault with a deadly weapon." However, in fact, the case between Brown and Rihanna is a matter of domestic violence. If Kaufman was trying to present the facts as clearly as possible, I believe he should have done a better job of presenting Brown's side. Moreover, MTV News along with the LA Times are breaking normal editorial policy and basic respect by disclosing information on the conflict because of the "high-profile nature of the case." Although the two recording artists are in the public eye, this traumatic event should not be posted all over gossip Web pages not to mention national newspapers such as the NYT or LA Times. If Rihanna's injuries are in fact as "horrific" as Kaufman's article says, the woman deserves a little respect. Moreover, Kaufman does not represent Brown's side of the story very well at all. I am not condoning abuse, but there is obviously a lot of detail behind this story that TMZ, MTV, E! Online and the like cannot present at this time. Kaufman should have shed light on the horror of domestic violence, presenting resources for affected individuals. Lastly, he should have recognized the simple fact that, despite Brown's public career, he is an fallible human, which is so eloquently done by his friend T.I. in an interview with Carson Daily. 

Man Dragged 20 Miles Under Car

In an article from the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Guido Salvador Carabajo-Jara, a 26-year-old man from Ecuador, was struck by a car and then somehow rolled underneath a second vehicle, being dragged through New York City for almost 20 miles.
This is really a bizarre, tragic story. I was disappointed that such a story was barely covered, with only a few short graphs and no details at all on this man.
I don't really like the headline of the story either: 'Body dragged on NYC roads was 26, from Ecuador.' This headline is too wordy and I don't know why the author felt it was necessary to include ",from Ecuador" in the headline. How is that SO relevant to the story? And it's a bit of information, which the reader would have discovered by the third sentence anyway.
Also, shouldn't it say "man dragged on NYC roads" instead of body dragged?
Another minor thing which I found strange was in the second graph when it actually gave the phonetic spelling of the man's name. I may be wrong but is this a normal practice in news writing? I can't think of a time I've seen that before. Here is an article which involves people with hard-to-pronounce last names in which they give no phonetic spelling for. Better yet, here is another article with crazy last names which the author doesn't spell phonetically, names like Saltalamacchia.
An interview with one (or both) of the drivers would have been interesting and beneficial in explaining how exactly they managed to drag this poor guy all across town without even realizing. Both drivers were identified so it wasn't impossible to get a comment. Also, police said the "gruesome episode" was accidental, but they couldn't have known this without talking to witnesses or the drivers themselves.
Lastly, it would have been nice to include some insight on this man's life, seeing how he is dead now. Why did he move to the U.S.? What was he doing living in Queens? Did he have family?
Again, sad story-should have been given more in-depth coverage.

Note: I went back and researched this story again, the New York Times covered it very well in an updated article. The article not only interviews the driver, but also the victim's family. The NYT went in-depth covering Mr. Carabajo's background. From a small town in Ecuador, he was living with relatives in New York to work and save money. He had a 5-month-old child, and a huge, close-knit family. Making this story even more tragic, he was killed the day of his 26th birthday party. Even more shocking than that, his sister was at a coffee shop at the scene of the accident and witnessed the police activity; she had no idea the man who had been struck and dragged was her brother.

Visions as an art form

Commendation is due to photographer Frannie Fabian for her photo, which accompanies “Visions of Color” on the front page of the Jan. 22, 2009, Red and Black's Out-and-About section.

“Visions” is a story about a group of art students’ home that has been decorated with self-made works of art, but the most prominent display of art in the story is the photo of the artists themselves.

Fabian’s photo skillfully creates oneness amongst the artists and their art.

Using natural light and dressing the students in black, reds and deep purples that match the colors used in their art work, Fabian crafts a vibrant portrait of the artists and their work that expertly flatters the two. The colors compliment each other so well that it is almost difficult to distinguish between the artists in their home and their paintings exhibited behind them.

Through the article journalist Courtney Smith seeks to paint a portrait of the harmony that encompasses a house full of artists and their masterpieces. The three female student residents, who study at the University of Georgia’s art school, are portrayed in a positive light. They are quoted as stating that they get along great and appreciate each other because of their common interest: love of art.

Errors, however, abound in the article and spoil some of its charm. Commas are misplaced or nonexistent. For example, the quote “But we couldn’t just live in a house where every wall is just a plain beige so one day we just started hanging up everything on all of the walls,” is missing a comma between the words “beige” and “so”, and the date in the upper right-hand corner of Jan. 22, 2008, is an obvious mistake.

Also, the article lacks depth with its quotes coming entirely from the art students, who share the home. It would be interesting to see other students’ reactions to the house as well.

The article also neglects other areas of significance such as the students’ specific interests in art. Smith does a great job of describing the artists’ home, but fails to mention what the students like to draw or sculpt and where they find their inspirations.

The paintings that are displayed in the background of the photo give an indication of the artists’ talent but tell nothing of other individual works of art.

Overall, the human-interest article is well-written, providing the rest of the UGA student body with inspiration to get up and do something about the blank walls in their apartments.

Oconee Leader misses again by my reckoning

After surveying that stunning piece of journalism from the Oconee Leader today in lab, I decided to edit another story from the online edition of the paper. ‘Road retirees had century of experience’ did not disappoint, providing ample material on which to practice my editing skills.

The headline immediately concerned me. It does not clearly convey the type of workers that have retired. Perhaps there is legitimate reason to keep the headline short, but I think a one-word addition would be a great improvement: ‘Road department retirees had century of experience.’

Vague references to the time of the event occur twice in the first two graphs. The ceremony happened on “Monday” of “this week.” Professor Fink taught me to be specific when mentioning dates in a story because newspapers serve as local record archives. This article ran on Jan. 28, and it is already confusing to the reader just over a week later.

Passive voice appears in the second graph. The men “were recognized.” The sentence does not clarify who recognized them.

I think the phrase, “by his reckoning,” is too colloquial for journalistic use. I understand that it fits with the tone of the article, but that justification only holds if the word appears in a quote.

Southern publications are especially prone to colloquialism. The word, “figured,” is another pet peeve of mine, as seen in a different Oconee Enterprise article. I am not positive if this use is actually incorrect, but I personally cannot abide it.

In the seventh graph, the author places an unnecessary comma in the following sentence: “Watson operated heavy equipment, right up to the end, a remarkable feat for a 78-year-old, one-legged man.” A speaker may wish to pause after “equipment” for dramatic effect, but there is no grammatical necessity for the first comma.

The mention of one-legged Watson interested me, but the writer kept me in suspense about the nature of Watson’s injury for another five graphs. I recommend placing that explanation before the introduction of Watson’s replacement for better continuity.

Near the end of the article, the author refers to Watson’s “avocation.” The author uses the word correctly, but considering that newspapers are typically written at a sixth grade reading level, it would be clearer to use a synonym, such as ‘hobby.’

Lack of Information on Murder Case

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution ran a story covering the death of a 54-year-old man who had been fatally beaten. This story is unique for the fact that before the victim died, he was taken to a nearby hospital and treated by a doctor who coincidentally turns out to be the victims very own daughter. The doctor didn't know she was treating her father because his face was so badly beaten. I can understand why this story ran, but found a few flaws that made the story misleading, confusing and lacking in information.First of all, the second line is poorly worded. "..she was shocked to learn the identity of the 54-year-old beaten man later Tuesday from her brother." At first, I thought they were saying that the brother had beaten the man. Then I realized that the brother was only the informant (told his sister about the situation). Also, the word Tuesday could give the reader (especially one just skimming through the article) the notion that the beating took place on Tuesday. But what the article actually meant was that the Doctor (daughter) didn't actually find out about the incident until Tuesday. Basically, that sentence was a bit confusing and misleading. An example of how this sentence should have been written to be more clear can be found in the first paragraph of this news article from the Associated Press. One last thing, there isn't much information about why or how this man was killed. It was reported that two men were seen walking away from the beaten man. Was there any evidence (weapons) found? Do the police have any suspects other than these two strangers seen walking away? Where did this fatal beating even occur? A bar? A street corner? The article doesn't give any clear details which could have been easily attainable. What about a possible motive? The reporters could have dug deeper into this man's life to see if he was involved with any activity which may have been attributed to his beating.I may seem too critical, the article itself was okay, but could have been beefed up a little more.

Obama's Secret Record Collection

The Rolling Stone article entitled “Obama’s Secret Record Collection” immediately caught my eye. The journalist, David Browne, begins by saying, “When Barack Obama moved into the White House on January 20th, he gained access to five chefs, a private bowling alley- and a killer collection of LPs."
Perfect. After months and months of being bombarded with terms like "bailout," "recession" and even “Joe the Plumber,” I was appreciative of an article about the president that didn’t make me furrow my brow and worry about the future. I am certainly not discrediting these issues as legitimate, far-reaching concerns; I am simply saying that it was refreshing to read an article about the White House that captured my interest without an accompanying feeling of nausea and panic.
Preface aside, I enjoyed Browne’s tongue-in-cheek discourse on the evolution of the record collection in various presidential administrations. In 1973, during the Nixon administration, the RIAA, the record companies’ trade group, donated 2,000 albums to the Library. Browne humorously adds that there is a downside to this benevolent gift. “The bad news: The selection was dominated by the likes of Pat Boone, the Carpenters and John Denver,” Browne says, with the biting sarcasm that has become a prerequisite for any Rolling Stone reporter.
Browne includes interesting touches in his article, including that each LP is marked with the presidential seal. I also enjoyed how he documents the respective personalities of several presidents in relation to how the LP collection was used. For example, during the Carter administration, the collection was placed “near the third-floor listening room, complete with a sound system.” Conversely, during the Reagan administration, the LPs were moved to a less prominent locale, namely the basement. Browne nods toward Nancy Reagan as the catalyst behind this decision.Browne concludes his article by mentioning Obama’ s favorite albums that are included in the collection, Bob Dylan’s "Blood on the Tracks" and Bruce Springsteen’s "Born to Run." This closing paragraph is a perfect addition to an interesting article and sets Browne up for an anticipated follow-up

RIP John

When I came upon the article entitled, John the Toilet Shot, Laid to Rest, I was confused. There was a person on a toilet who was shot? However, when once reading the article I came to understand that "John" is literally "the john" or most recognizably the toilet. At a Carl's Jr. in Centerville, Utah  a patrons gun unloaded as he was pulling up his pants from his time on the toilet. The bullet hit John "a porcelain commode". The article however does not clarify immediately that John is not actually a real person. By capitalizing the J in john the author makes it seem that it is actually a real person.

The article goes farther when he says that John was "gunned down in an accidental shooting at a fast food restaurant's bathroom." Moreover, he says "his age was not immediately known." By describing the toilet as a person with the word "his" rather than using "it", I assumed that a person really was shot while using the toilet at a Carl's Jr. 

In addition to personifying the toilet, the employees at Carl's Jr. had a life like memorial service for John that included flowers and the first 50 patrons that entered the restaurant received bottle of John's favorite toilet bowl cleaner, "Kaboom Bowl Blaster."

Although a clever marketing ploy for the restaurant, the Associated Press should have done a better job of clarifying that John was not actually a real person. They could have easily accomplished this by using a picture of a shattered toilet. Likewise, by not personifying "John" so much.